Don’t Call Me BBW

IMG_6522Let me start by saying that I am not shaming BBW or attacking that community. I was once a big part of that community, and I embraced that label. This is my view on view on body image in the trans and adult industry.

I was almost 300 lbs before I decided to change my life. If you looked at me you probably didn’t know I weighed that much. At one point, I couldn’t walk from the bus stop to the grocery store without losing my breath. Walking up three flights of stairs to my apartment without having to stop and take a break. That was when I knew I had to make a change on my life; that was three years ago when I started to change. I fell on and off that wagon, I wanted to be skinny so bad and I did everything to get there with tons of fails. When I stopped envisioning myself skinny and envisioned myself as healthy did my brain start to change.

After getting into the adult industry I was called fat. Before that I never thought I was fat. I just thought I was an average girl. The industry fucked my head up on the view of my body and body image in general. I could of taken it many different ways, could of starved myself and got an eating disorder but I went the other route. I did watch girls take pills, starve themselves, etc. months before shoots in LA. That was not going to be me! I thought since they call me fat, and fans like me fat I will eat and do whatever and be more fat. Which, I did that to the point of bad health. When I realized my health was bad I had to change. After three years, I finally got to a point where I did it, and did it the healthy and safe way.

I had been a role model to so many people for changing things about body image in the industry. The industry is still a hot mess on body image but I feel like I put a positive light on body image for trans people. I didn’t get into business to be that role model, it just happened. Now, that I am a role model again by documenting my weight loss journey.

The other day when a fan posted my photo on his Instagram with the hashtags: #BBW #Chubby #Fat I got upset. Why did I get so upset? I have worked really hard to get athletic and in good health. Then to have a fan post that I am #BBW was a shock to me gut. I know the adult industry will and still consider me fat, because no matter how much I lose, I will have curves and be voluptuous. So, by industry standards I am fat but I don’t want to be put into that box. I have many BBW friends and I love them dearly and understand them (as I was once there), but if you stand me next to them I am not like them body wise. They will tell you that too! I know labels need to be there for porn, I get that. My life and my look isn’t that and I don’t want to be labeled that outside of my work. Call me Voluptuous all you want, for pete’s sake I am the Voluptuous Diva after all!

I worked really hard for you to just put me into a box. Many girls that are in that box don’t even want to be in that box they just want to be looked at as beautiful women not their size. Even BBW Fashion models are trying to change the label Plus Size. They don’t want that label, but it wont go away and that is sad. I cant even go to a so called Plus Size store or section in a store and find clothes that fit me now. So, why am I still labeled fat or BBW? I am a size 10, an average woman in America. Since I am in front of people and expose my body that makes me Fat or BBW? Let’s start looking at body image in a different way, lets just look at people for people not how skinny or fat they are. Or what number is on the scale or a tag in your clothes.

Be Sociable, Share!